Anyone with access to media knows at least the bare minimum about what’s going on in Nepal right now. On April 25th, they experienced a 7.8 magnitude earthquake which killed thousands, destroyed cities and damaged most of their heritage sites. Although aid is flowing in and the people seem, for the most part, to be in good spirits, it is going to be years before their infrastructure and economy recovers.

I have had a fascination and obsession with this mysterious and mountainous country for well over a year now. I’m not exactly sure what initially drew me to it, nor do I remember exactly when it started. But as I’m sure my friends can testify, I’ve talked about wanting to go there for quite a while now. No one really understood why, myself included. There was just something about this small country that fascinated me.

Maybe it’s because I have a thing for mountains and Nepal just seems like a country created for adventure. Or maybe it’s because they have an ancient and beautiful culture, language and temples and colours and smells that would be foreign to me. Then again, maybe I’m just stereotyping and being an ignorant white girl from Canada. But the people there seem to have joy in their smiles and a strong work ethic deep in their bones and I just fell in love with Nepal the more and more that I read about it. I thought about it often, read about it often, dreamt about it often.

I want to be clear that I’m not oblivious to the fact that it is a developing nation. I know that much of the country lives in poverty and brokeness. But for me, that doesn’t and shouldn’t disqualify them as a nation of potential. I’m going to be studying International Development and Globalization in university next year (which I am SO excited about) and I am so passionate about seeing those small “third world” countries develop and grow and share with the world why they are so awesome. So Nepal, for me, was a place of both mystery and beauty in spite of their struggles. I felt drawn not just to the place but also to the faces of the people and wondered how long it would be before I could visit.

Fast forward to last month and my economics teacher assigned a project where a partner and I would have to choose a country currently on the United Nations list of Least Developed Countries, learn more about it and then come up with a theoretical plan on how they could improve their economy. Naturally, I convinced my partner that we should choose Nepal.

The next day, the earthquake happened.

A Nepalese man cries as he walks through the earthquake debris in Bhaktapur, near Kathmandu, Nepal, Sunday, April 26, 2015.

People walk on damaged road in Kathmandu, Nepal, April 25, 2015

I’m not exaggerating when I say that it felt like something had been ripped out of my chest. I was actually heartbroken. Why would something like this happen? And more importantly, why did I now have to sit in a classroom everyday and work on a website called “Solutions 4 Nepal” while the real country lay in ruins? This past month I have come very close to booking a ticket and just going, I would say about 6 times. I wanted nothing more than to help this country that had somehow found a special place in my heart.

Truth is, an 18-year-old girl from Canada showing up in a recent natural disaster zone with no experience working in developing countries and nothing but a heart to help and the first aid knowledge of a lifeguard would have been more of a hinderance than a help. No matter how good my intentions are, I am not equipped to help in country right now.

Maybe in a year from now, when most people have forgotten all about it, I will go. Nepal will be recovering from years to come and I don’t want to be just another person who forgets all about them after the earthquake stops being on the news everyday. I’m not trying to be self-righteous but that is what we all tend to do in situations like these. We are interested for a minute and then leave them to try to do the rest of the recovery alone.

For now, all I can do is pray. When I feel helpless, prayer is my only possible response. And I can ask you to do the same. Will you please intentionally pray for Nepal today? The Nepalese are so very proud and they don’t trust the first world and the help we offer. Pray that they would be open-minded. Pray for the people who have lost family. Pray for the aid workers, that they would have wisdom, humility and that they would go in willing to partner, not take over. Pray for revival. Pray for joy in this dark time. Pray for hope. Pray for opportunity to not just recover, but to grow. Pray that Nepal will come out of this stronger than ever before. Pray for the people above all, for jobs, for homes, for relationships and for safety. Pray that they would be ok, whatever that means.

If you want to learn more about the project my friend Rico and I did, you can check it out here (fair warning, the project isn’t due until next week so it’s a work in progress) If you want to donate to help with the rebuilding check out this link .

That’s all I have to say. Just wanted to share a bit about why the earthquake has bothered me so much. I’m still hoping to see Nepal one day, to explore, to experience the culture and meet the people. I have faith that I will see a beautiful country as I’d always hoped, a strong, proud and hopeful nation. I believe that Nepal, while shaken, is not shattered. The country lies in ruins but they will recover. This is not the end of Nepal’s story. I don’t know if part of God’s plan for this country includes me…but I hope it does. Either way, I think I will always have a soft spot for it.

Shaken, not shattered. I have faith in you Nepal, you can do it. But please, trust us to help. We really do care.

– Sam

*all photos come from google